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While Obi-Wan is under the assumption Padmé is well aware of Anakin's intention of telling him about their relationship, he still thinks it wise to speak with her about it on his own. After all, he and Padmé have long had their own friendship, first developed on Tattooine and then later, after she became Senator and they often conferred on issues during the Separatist War.

The revelation of their relationship hadn't surprised Obi-Wan. He well remembers Rex trying to keep him away while Anakin had what he thought were secret calls with her and further to the point, he's arrived in Darrow from a much later point in time than the both of them. He had known, beyond all doubt, that Padmé's child was Anakin's as well, a fact that has been well supported since arriving here and having met their grandson.

He hadn't intended on seeking her out, but as often happens, the Force has apparently made the decision for him and has drawn Obi-Wan to a place in the city where he suddenly senses Padmé nearby. He's dressed to blend in these days, his clothes light and loose, but proper pants and a shirt rather than robes. It's the lightsaber at his belt that still makes him stand apart, but even so, he approaches Padmé slowly, so she might see him before he's directly upon her.

"Hello, Senator," he says with a smile when he's near enough. "And how are you this afternoon?"

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Obi-Wan had told her, when she first arrived, that the clone troopers had turned against the Jedi, but somehow, in the rush of all the other horrifying news he'd given her, what that meant hadn't quite clicked. It clicks now.

"Ah," she says softly. They don't, as far as she knows, know what caused the clones to change sides. They don't know what might trigger it again. "Yes, you're right. That... I suppose it hadn't occurred to me."

"No, I apologize," Obi-Wan says with a slight shake of his head. "I shouldn't make this joyous occasion into something anything other than what it ought to be. This is a second chance for you and for Anakin. A life that he believes, at least, would not have been possible on Coruscant."

Obi-Wan doesn't know what he believes. Had he tried harder to get Anakin to talk to him instead of doing what he thought was right in respecting his emotional boundaries, perhaps the outcome could have been different. If he had been more honest, maybe, or advocated harder for his Padawan. There are so many things he knows he can regret, but he tries not to. It isn't the Jedi way and he believes, with utter conviction, Anakin's life will be different here.

"He's right," Padmé says. She's not sure why Obi-Wan seems to be implying that such a life would have been possible on Coruscant, not when he knows as well as anyone how strict the Jedi can be. How intolerant of mistakes. Any doubts she'd had on that front had been wiped clean by Ahsoka's trial.

"He's a Jedi, I'm - I was - a Senator. There are rules about that, back home." If she has opinions on the stupidity of those rules, she has too much respect for Obi-Wan to let them show, and just gives a rueful little shrug - what can you do - before continuing. "It is nice, though. Being able to be open about it here."

"He didn't need to remain a Jedi," Obi-Wan says, the words out before he can think on them. It's something he's tried to say to Anakin, never quite finding the proper way to do so, but he feels as if he must with Padmé. Where he and Anakin have too often danced around what one another is feeling, Obi-Wan has only ever known Padmé to be forthright and he is trying so very hard to be the same.

No more lies, no omission. Not when he knows where that path leads.

"Would it have broken my heart?" he asks, then smiles a little. "Of course. But better mine than yours and it isn't as if I hadn't once been willing to leave the order for a very similar chance."

For all Padmé had been the one to insist that Obi-Wan wouldn't care about her and Anakin's relationship, she finds the level to which he seems to be in favor of it more than a little puzzling. The idea that Anakin might leave the Order should have been unthinkable, not something to be dropped casually into a conversation, and it occurs to Padmé, not for the first time, that there's something she's missing here. If he'd really been willing to leave the Order himself - and that's interesting enough to warrant an eyebrow raise, though she doesn't comment - that might explain it, but somehow she doesn't think it explains all of it.

She very carefully files this conversation alongside the memory, from her very first day in Darrow, of the way Obi-Wan had hesitated before he'd told her about the future, the sure and certain knowledge that he was about to not tell her something. There's context here that she's missing, but she doesn't have enough information to see the shape of it yet. Which is fine. For now, she can wait.

"Didn't he," she says, less a question than it ought to be. It's an old argument, one she's had with herself more times than she can count in the past three years. "Can you picture him being happy doing anything else? Can you picture him sitting out the war? And I can't imagine the Jedi would have been thrilled by the idea of their chosen one walking away from them."

Edited 2020-09-24 22:58 (UTC)

"No," Obi-Wan answers honestly. "I can't. But the Jedi are peacekeepers, not generals, and the war is over. Even if we'd not found ourselves here, the world we knew..."

He pauses and breathes in deep, then exhales slowly, centering himself. The world they knew is gone. One way or another. Either they're here in this new place or they're there, hiding from an Emperor, considered enemies of the Empire. Or worse, in Padmé's case. And in Anakin's.

"The prophecies were never meant to be taken literally," he says. "Qui-Gon may have believed otherwise, but it is matter he and I clashed on many times. Whatever else Anakin may or may not be, he is an individual first, and as to whether or not the Jedi would be happy with him leaving, such things no longer matter. I cannot speak for anything but the moment in which we find ourselves now. There is no Jedi Order. Not any longer."

He and Anakin are the last. Rey and Ben, he can't imagine they want to be what the Order would have expected of them anyway. Should they want to learn, Obi-Wan will be happy to teach them, but it will be an entirely different task than what it might have once been.

"I know," Padmé says softly. "And all of that is why we've decided to be open about our relationship here, even knowing we might be returned to our own world one day. But when we say it wouldn't have been possible before... we did put some thought into it before we got married. We hid it for a reason." With the benefit of hindsight, she can admit that they probably hadn't put enough thought into it, but they'd been young and in love. From what she's been told by people further along in the timeline, it seems to have worked out for them alright.

"I can't imagine how we thought we were going to keep hiding it with children on the way," she adds lightly. "We're not that sneaky."

Obi-Wan thinks he knows what his reaction would have been at the time. He had told Anakin more than once that a Jedi must not allow himself to get too attached to anyone, that forming a possessive devotion to another person goes against everything the Jedi teach, and it is something he still believes.

However, he also believes -- and always has -- that there is a deep well of difference between possessiveness and the sort of love that exists between two people. He had warned Anakin against pursuing anything with Padmé, not entirely aware of how far it had already gone, but he knows more now. He knows better. What he has to do now is not try to keep Anakin in the Order, but instead continue to teach him what it means to love without wanting to control all possible outcomes. Even if their world were the same, with the benefit of hindsight, Obi-Wan knows his reaction would be different.

At Padmé's comment, Obi-Wan breathes out a soft laugh, looking down at his hands. "Well, perhaps a bit of foresight was lacking in that moment, yes," he agrees. "But love can be rather all-encompassing, can't it?"

"It certainly can be," Padmé agrees. All-encompassing, she thinks, is actually a fairly good way to describe her relationship with Anakin. Or it had been, back home. Since coming here, she's been trying to find a bit more of a balance, though she's not sure how effective she's been.

"You sound like you're speaking from experience," she adds. That's twice in this one conversation that he's alluded to having been in love before, so she thinks it's alright to pry a bit.

There are few he's been able to speak with of Satine, very few indeed. Both Anakin and Ahsoka had their suspicions, he knows, but he had never confirmed anything with them out of some combination of cowardice and self-preservation. Their relationship would have invited questions he wouldn't be able to answer, not to their satisfaction, and talking of it always made the ache in his chest he'd learned to live with intensify.

"You knew Satine," he says. "She and I met when I was still a Padawan and we... she and I..." He smiles faintly, uncharacteristically without the proper words to encompass what they shared. "I wish I would have thought to talk to Anakin of it. Perhaps he might better understand the choices we make and the regrets we hold, even when we're trained not to."

In that moment, Padmé thinks that might just be the saddest thing she's ever heard.

"I'm so sorry," she says softly, reaching across the table to lay her hand over his. "Satine was... she was a lovely woman."

"She was the leader Mandalore needed," Obi-Wan answers, even though he knows that isn't what Padmé means and he pauses, reminding himself what he's been trying to do since Anakin and Padmé have arrived here, too. To make things right, he himself must be more transparent.

"It's why I could never have asked her to leave with me," he says. "Though to this day I wish I had."

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